ecargo18 Jan 2006

While I really like the details, the "list" that begins it, strong images notwithstanding, seems to weaken it overall. "The slow procession exit gets faster from the grave" might even be a good place to start it (in media res) and then flashback somehow to incorporate those earlier images? Not saying that's the way to go, necessarily, but play with the sequence--doesn't necessarily have to be linear, and may be better if it's not. I really like the pyre ending with a personal touch (the table).