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Sunlighting (Free verse) by ALChemy

Swallows announce the end of yesterday. The morning girl awakens to their song. Her crayola sunrise paints over the gray of fading night to dawn a bright sarong, a flower-sprinkled emerald dress that stretches to the horizon’s hem and ripples in a warm wind’s caress: A playground for the cherubim. “Oh, Uncle Moon, please play with me, while the day’s still shining bright?” “I’m so tired but I’ll try Sweetpea.” And the moon missed work that night.

ALChemy 6-Jan-06/6:41 PM
You don't think dropping the "that" might pull the line farther away from the sentence it's supporting though? Doesn't "stretches to the horizon’s hem" without "that" come across as a statement about emerald dresses in general. Like "A dog that speaks french" as opposed to "A dog speaks french".
I could really use your help on what the proper punctuation should be in the poem's current form. I googled up like 5 different ways that people punctuated the "To be or not to be" quote.







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