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Sunlighting (Free verse) by ALChemy

Swallows announce the end of yesterday. The morning girl awakens to their song. Her crayola sunrise paints over the gray of fading night to dawn a bright sarong, a flower-sprinkled emerald dress that stretches to the horizon’s hem and ripples in a warm wind’s caress: A playground for the cherubim. “Oh, Uncle Moon, please play with me, while the day’s still shining bright?” “I’m so tired but I’ll try Sweetpea.” And the moon missed work that night.

ALChemy 6-Jan-06/2:37 PM
I'm sorry if I came off as upset. I was merely confused by you stating something that is obvious. Usually doing that implies that you're either insulting someones intelligence or being vague about what you really mean to say. Apperantly it was the latter.
To call your previous comment constructive criticism is once again suggesting an insult to my intelligence. On the other hand your first comment is quite constructive and I even managed to take something from the second one but only because your reaction(not information) confirmed my doubts about the punctuation. Why you are jarred by this "oddball" sentence fragment and not by the one that immediately follows is a mystery to me. I can give you 13 examples of this type of "oddball" sentence in one great poem alone: Rudyard Kipling's "If". As you can see by my responses, I take something possitive from most of the feedback you make vague(not bad) or not. I respect you and I don't take the things you say lite, nor do I respond with spite.




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