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Grieving (Free verse) by d35

His inner eye wouldn’t stop crying A sorry sight to see tears dripping down metaphysical cheeks He loved it better when he couldn’t feel why can’t he cut this loose disassemble it bury it in the cold grown covered in a wet dew Running away doesn’t help when will it die? when will he? his thought saturated the cold sweat of depression a colorless rose made of thorns no use throwing it away will just prick the skin of his emotion what's going to save him? “oh it hurts inside, when will we die?”

Sisterwolf 28-Dec-05/7:09 PM
Some deep emotions here. Line 7 should say 'ground' instead of grown. The odd spacing tears up your cohesiveness. When you have good stuff to say, it
doesn't need a lot of odd punctuation . . .
A rewrite would be my suggestion. I would love to
read it if you do one.




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