Replying to a comment on:

Beneath the Willow Tree (Free verse) by cyan9

Lying down with the arc of my back against the mounds of earth, weaving my vertibrae over each bump and clump of grass, of dirt, I inked my index finger and drew a symbol to draw mana from the sky. Ripples eminated from the connection, and through their vortex I found myself sucked into a tunnel, sucked towards one bright one light. As I twisted and turned through concave and convex, I awoke to a haze of brightness, I awoke and began to stare at the surgeons vest. Hurtling on a theatre trolley while doctors stitched together my brain, having been out cold for days, I couldn't remember my name. As I leant up to ask of my journey, my fate; ripples formed and the vortex sucked me further in. I was wrapped up in all the soft blankets the sun could offer, I was cradled and lulled into a soft warm bed, I awoke to the light of day, I awoke with light inside my head.

cyan9 17-Nov-05/6:54 AM
part 2:

Regarding your comments on spelling and punctuation:
(1) Perhaps suggesting improvements rather than saying this is poor, could make your opinion seem more qualified, and of use.
(2) I have noticed here that you are pre-occupied on what has been, what is stated in books, no wonder everything seems formulaic to you. You disregard my advice to see things for what they are as rarely going over “even when they come from real authors”. You will not be able to understand a large quantity of work nor be able to appreciate other people’s creativity or originality with this mind, if you continue to regard everything as being driven by a formula. An example of this thought is the statement "There's no such thing as continuous verse.", you go for the dictionary, rather than reading and using your imagination to determine what is being said (this is a good example of why I say your appreciation lacks imagination).
You have sited on your ‘About’ section, that people should not bother having arguments about originality with you… I assume you’ve had a lot of them, and hopefully over time you may listen to what is said about you.

(3) On a more Jovial note, before trying to correct peoples spelling, you may want to check that you are right before hand, for example by looking up the word ‘mana’ as below:
mana
Dictionary
ma•na (mä'nə)
n.
1. A supernatural force believed to dwell in a person or sacred object.
2. Power; authority.

Is used as a reference to a supernatural force from the sky (not necessarily divine) over:

manna
Dictionary
man•na (măn'ə)
n.
1. In the Bible, the food miraculously provided for the Israelites in the wilderness during their flight from Egypt.
2. Spiritual nourishment of divine origin.
3. Something of value that a person receives unexpectedly: viewed the bonus as manna from heaven.
4. The dried exudate of certain plants, as that of the Mediterranean ash tree, formerly used as a laxative.
5. A sweet granular substance excreted on the leaves of plants by certain insects, especially aphids, and often harvested by ants.

However in retrospect the definition number 2 above (spiritual nourishment) could have added to the work (if anyone knew this).


In regards to:
“I feel most of this came across in my first, admittedly cynical message. I highly doubt you'll welcome this feedback, or even read it this far. Do not suggest I lack imagination or ability as far as reading your poem goes. Thanks. Have a nice day.”

I will leave the comments about childishness and underdevelopment out in future, but please comment and read with a little more of the thought that you are capable of. In your defence, annoying as this dispute has been, it has provided more of interest that the comments of most, and I would therfore count this dispute in your favour rather than otherwise. And as for the “Have a nice Day”, you are welcome, since I am indeed having a very nice day.





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