cyan917 Nov 2005

This kind of thought and critique is welcome, it shows that this is less than a petty hack, and more of a criticism that you wish to vigourously defend (either through conviction in your opinion or saving face). I find this piece highly origional (I have never seen another like it), it depicts the way I feel whilst lying in the sun deep in thought, a way of calming my mind. The transportation describes the way I move through states of mind back into calmness after a stormy week.

In regards to the comment:
"Eminations, vortices, tunnels and such are so often repeated these days"

I don’t believe that they are, and have not witnessed such repetition. Perhaps a couple of examples would strengthen your argument.

In response to:
"Phrases like a "haze of brightness" pull their punches, going for a standard or vague formulation rather than working to evoke an actual image or impression"

I would say that the piece describes a period of lazing in the sun (beneath the willow tree (though not mentioned)), starting to evoke the 'power' of thought with the drawing of the symbol in the sky. The transportation and surgery points to the ride and the benefit of this thought; awakening after sorting my head out from a chaotic week. The poem describes the solely the ride, not the cognition, and so avoids bringing individual thoughts or references to thought into the work. I am dubious that you allowed yourself to be taken on this journey, and I believe you have missed the point, that was to describe that ride. I believe it does evoke intense and mind manifesting imagery, a view that is shared by people who have commented on other sites such as allpoetry.com for example.