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Beneath the Willow Tree (Free verse) by cyan9

Lying down with the arc of my back against the mounds of earth, weaving my vertibrae over each bump and clump of grass, of dirt, I inked my index finger and drew a symbol to draw mana from the sky. Ripples eminated from the connection, and through their vortex I found myself sucked into a tunnel, sucked towards one bright one light. As I twisted and turned through concave and convex, I awoke to a haze of brightness, I awoke and began to stare at the surgeons vest. Hurtling on a theatre trolley while doctors stitched together my brain, having been out cold for days, I couldn't remember my name. As I leant up to ask of my journey, my fate; ripples formed and the vortex sucked me further in. I was wrapped up in all the soft blankets the sun could offer, I was cradled and lulled into a soft warm bed, I awoke to the light of day, I awoke with light inside my head.

cyan9 16-Nov-05/11:23 AM
Piss taking aside:

In contrast to what I have just sent over as a comment to you, this kind of commentry and thought is more than welcome compared to untangeable quippets that serve to flame zodiacs mild annoying and invalid mockery.

The punctuation is only there to provide appropriate length pauses, its symantic is in the ride it provokes. I would rather steer clear of the colons on the grounds that they invoke a list or parrallel verses; what I am writing is continuous verse, and thus I use semi-colons. I only use quotes in order to quote a person, or to indicate speach; and so again their use is inapropriate here.

When you see use of language such as one bright one light, take it for what it is, and what it provokes. Don't get so pent up on the syntax, and concentrate on the semantic and the ride. As far as I am aware there is nothing here that should cause anyone any difficulty in reading, as long as they just let it sink in, rather than fixate upon its syntax.

As for the biting comments, I write the comments in spare minutes that I have at work, I have little time to spare to check spelling and punctuation when engaging in slanging matches between teenage poetry snobs. The comments are less snide, but more of a irritated response to the image that you and zodiac have presented. I welcome the chance to receive feedback on my work, and get distinctly annoyed when I receive time waisting comments.




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