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Beneath the Willow Tree (Free verse) by cyan9

Lying down with the arc of my back against the mounds of earth, weaving my vertibrae over each bump and clump of grass, of dirt, I inked my index finger and drew a symbol to draw mana from the sky. Ripples eminated from the connection, and through their vortex I found myself sucked into a tunnel, sucked towards one bright one light. As I twisted and turned through concave and convex, I awoke to a haze of brightness, I awoke and began to stare at the surgeons vest. Hurtling on a theatre trolley while doctors stitched together my brain, having been out cold for days, I couldn't remember my name. As I leant up to ask of my journey, my fate; ripples formed and the vortex sucked me further in. I was wrapped up in all the soft blankets the sun could offer, I was cradled and lulled into a soft warm bed, I awoke to the light of day, I awoke with light inside my head.

ALChemy 16-Nov-05/9:52 AM
Proper punctuation might help a little too. Try one of these (:) or ("") or just drop the damn period.

What do I think of your poem? It's not bad in an acid trip kind of way. You seem to portray the operating table as the dream and the nature scene as the world you wake up to. If that was your intent then good job. The average person would have gone the opposite route.
"one bright one light"???

In the future if you choose to make your biting comments then at least check it for faults. Nothing makes you appear to need a slightly more intelligence than a snide reply full of errors.




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