Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 13:30:10 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

There is a journey tree (Free verse) by ALChemy

There is a journey tree that stands amidst a river at the brink of a waterfalls that ends in a sea of fire It is the last resort for those caught by the stream Despite the rivers rage its strength will never wane Two birds around it circle One pigeon and one dove and as they pass each other the birds exchange a feather Its leaves are crystalline their colors ever changing and forever it shall stand for what it stands for is forever

ALChemy

25-Oct-05/4:06 AM

That's some of the best criticism I've read. Actually it's from a regular prose story. It's just a poem one of the characters recalls after they actually find the tree. Story poems are incredibly hard to do well. Usually either the story or the poetry is hindered because of it. I admit the poems got alot of flaws. I really like it mostly for its sound. I think there's a sweet spot that floats between free-verse and conventional verse but it's hard as hell to hit.
I looked up "amidst" and the first definition I got was "in the middle of" so maybe its an outdated usage of the word I don't know. Great suggestion for a change though.

Pigeons and doves: And yet people treat them so differently.

Sometimes when I write or draw I start with an image and just let the poem evolve piece by piece never exactly sure where it will go. This usually ends with a product that's high in sound, low in logic. Then I edit. I wonder if Wordsworth and Coleridge approached writing that way.
Most of the story (that the poem is in) takes place in a dream world.(I know cliches abound) But the story was meant to be sort of a parable of the Gospels. It was my attempt to put the reader into the mind and perspective of a messiah in a way they could imagine and relate to. Not a good subject to write a first book on.
I'd be a hypocrite to criticize your spelling. Although it's fun to point out because it happens so rarely with you.
Sorry it took so long to reply. I was on vacation.

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