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There is a journey tree (Free verse) by ALChemy

There is a journey tree that stands amidst a river at the brink of a waterfalls that ends in a sea of fire It is the last resort for those caught by the stream Despite the rivers rage its strength will never wane Two birds around it circle One pigeon and one dove and as they pass each other the birds exchange a feather Its leaves are crystalline their colors ever changing and forever it shall stand for what it stands for is forever

LilMsLadyPoet 18-Oct-05/12:01 PM
Zodiac is right, about the usage of 'stands amidst' and brink/waterfall, brinks/waterfalls. but be careful of 'that ends'...alot of s's.
You go from talking about the birds...(Which I think is very cool, BTW.) to talking about the tree's leaves, again. ('Its leaves'The transition there left me unclear for a second. I wonder if the bird thing would work better as the ending, that way you concentrate on the tree, then pan up to the birds above it. Some puncutation would be helpful. I like this piece...and I believe there is always a 'tree', of some sort or another, even if it is only the one I construct in my mind's eye.




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