Poemranker [Replying] Sun Nov 24 05:22:19 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

There is a journey tree (Free verse) by ALChemy

There is a journey tree that stands amidst a river at the brink of a waterfalls that ends in a sea of fire It is the last resort for those caught by the stream Despite the rivers rage its strength will never wane Two birds around it circle One pigeon and one dove and as they pass each other the birds exchange a feather Its leaves are crystalline their colors ever changing and forever it shall stand for what it stands for is forever

ALChemy

17-Oct-05/10:43 AM

You can stand in the middle of a stream or shallow river just ask fly fisherman. Come on your really nit-pickin' with the whole strung together phrase thing. But if you make a suggestion that maintains the rhythm of the poem I'll be very greatful. One would imagine logically that both river and falls end in a sea of fire. It relates to journeys because it's at the end of the journey for those who make it to the tree, because its where you would want to be.
Sorry about the lack of punctuation and waterfall misspelling.
The birds can represent a lot of things but originally the idea came from noticing how simular doves and pigeons are and yet how differently their percieved and treated. The exchange of feathers being the desolving of this illusion between the two.
PS: If you take the personified meanings of the birds it becomes sort of a critique saying that the innocent and the gullable aren't so far off from each other.

I thought more symbolic or fictional than hypothetical. Hypothetical tends to imply a realistic situation to me.

I was inspired to write this when one day I saw a tree standing in the middle of a stream. I made it a river to make the tree appear more powerful. The rest is just metaphor for a story that in itself was a metaphor for a story (Not that you needed or even wanted to know that).

I look foward to your tutelage.

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