Poemranker [Replying] Sun May 05 07:32:43 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

There is a journey tree (Free verse) by ALChemy

There is a journey tree that stands amidst a river at the brink of a waterfalls that ends in a sea of fire It is the last resort for those caught by the stream Despite the rivers rage its strength will never wane Two birds around it circle One pigeon and one dove and as they pass each other the birds exchange a feather Its leaves are crystalline their colors ever changing and forever it shall stand for what it stands for is forever

zodiac

17-Oct-05/3:08 AM

I'm pretty sure it's impossible to stand amidst one thing. If you've just got to stand amidst, it'll have to be amidst parted waters or something such, and who wants to do that?

Also, waterfalls should just be waterfall. Or it should have brinks.

I'm confused, does the waterfalls ends in a sea of fire, or the river? At any rate, it's too many strung-together phrases: the tree that's amidst the river that's at the falls that end in fire. Split them up, make some new sentences.

I don't understand how the tree relates to (and presumably helps) journeys. Apparently it STOPS people from journeys to the bottoms of the falls.

Rivers in "rivers rage" should have an apostrophe, probably before the s. Some regular sentence punctuation would help to. If you're having trouble deciding where, try writing it out in paragraph format and seeing where it doesn't make sense.

I thought the birds exchanging feathers was striking though. I have know idea what they mean.

Responding to your and Dovina's comments, the refuge you're talking about is the hypothetical itself, so of course the tree doesn't fall.

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