Replying to a comment on:

Rocky Road (Free verse) by Dovina

Westward pavement, rubberized asphalt made from big-rig tires. Newer versions roll thereon taking others to be ground. Now the tires, old and new, throb with pound of trailer, the last of eighteen wheels to pass a place of sweet remembrance. Driver drowsy drifts to shoulder, wakes in time to whip it back. Trailer wags a whimsic wander, out to gravel shoulder drifts. The rightmost tire grabs a rock in crevice of its tread; Lifts it, slings it, Upward, backward With cracking speed to glass. Flaps outstretched like waving hands wish that rock goodbye. The driver blinks and straightens, vows to stay awake, recalls a special deal he got one snowy day in Denver— fancy flaps with woman nude, tits up and facing back.

INTRANSIT 12-Oct-05/6:09 AM
if this isn't bait, I don't know what is. Good that you kept it simple, I'd hate to come down hard on you. LOL. Try to merge the two flaps lines together. and you have a rogue -as- in the last. I think you can merge the drowsy and blinking driver lines too. I love the sweet rememberance and the dual significance of the decorated mud flaps. Incidentally, four-wheelers aren't the only ones to get chipped windshields. I've got three in my Petes drivers side.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001