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Nowhere Land (Free verse) by Caducus

Beneath the Robins staff my coat was the rain naked as Octobers limbs I remembered her lips On my birch pale skin. I wept with trees in Autumn For buds which blossomed in May, laid alone on fragrant graves where love was born to die in her today. Watch a sunset through tears and God will bleed for you, birds will mute their song stars will dull and fall as my lover will rise in someone else's eyes and I will set spectacular admired by no one in nowhere land.

impert&ent 21-Sep-05/9:37 AM
There's much to like in this, but there are a couple of loose ends too. I like the imagery and the metaphors. But I don't get the "robins staff", and think the focus changes in the last line, and leaves the thing unresolved. If the staff were a coat hook, it would make sense to me, given that your coat is the rain.

As for the last line, you may set spectacular, but in a solitary land of your own rather than nowhere. But why focus on yourself at the end, given that up to that point the focus is on her and the love?




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