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Stardust (Free verse) by TLRufener

The stars are out early Shining brightly in the sky Sprinkling their stardust Down upon you and I Golden glitter pours As the stars twinkle above Casting an enchanted glow On our endless love The sun still casts its light Down upon the world At your gentle touch The wings of love are unfurled As the sun sets slowly Painting a rainbow in the sky Stars sprinkle stardust Down upon you and I

Tintagiles 7-Sep-05/7:34 PM
Heavens. Love/above. How original. Yawn.

Line 12: Put wings in the plural and get rid of 'were'. That helps the rhythm. However, for the sake of rhyme you have put that one line in past tense while the rest of the poem is in the present. It can work, but it seems odd. I'd also suggest changing it to 'down on you and I' throughout, thus adding to the five syllable rhythm threading through this whole thing (5, 8, 10, 11, 15).




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