Dovina23 Aug 2005

I hate the restrictions of the sonnet form. But I guess if you give up the stricter Shakespearean ties, then its much easier.

I think "we" would be better in "You let it go" to keep it personal.

You could drop "ours" in "and then it wasn't ours"

What are tenterhooks?

The colons distract. Periods would be better.

I would make the sex more tender in keeping with the nostalgia of the occasion.