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War (Sonnet) by zodiac

Sensible in most things, Girlie buys those packs of yeast whenever she shops. She has certain assumptions when it comes to - oh what would you call it? - husbandry, I guess, the order of things: a dog, a made bed, a centerpiece, those million, no, billion lives saved for some use I can't imagine - to trip my hands, maybe, while looking among stacked bins of flour, soda and sugar for - I forget just what - for something edible, then. Or say for one great final baking-day. Or say we keep our peaces, the kitchen of our love as fertile and earth-pungent as new graves, as a bombed field. And yet we have no bread.

ALChemy 5-Aug-05/7:20 AM
Upon the first reading, it kinda reminded me of the first part of the animated british film "When the Wind Blows" An older couple with a humdrum life and then the omen of war and certain death. I didn't pick up on much of the symbolism. Maybe if you used "The" Yeast it might be deciphered as "The East" which might then lead to the idea that Girlie is from the west. I don't think anyone will recognize Bush as Girlie but they might see the U.S. as Girlie. "Peaces" slips buy as "Peices" on first read. So the last verse kind of comes out of left field after all that domestic talk. So Maybe some slightly less abrasive words than "pungent, graves and bombed". Maybe "as fertile and pungent as mud-pies,
as a scorched earth. And yet we have no bread."?
I'd prefer Peace over "peaces" only because it's a plural pitted up against a singular. Or maybe just place a period after peaces. The broken sentences make a cryptic poem even more cryptic. Your choice of symbolism and how you set the mood is great there just needs to be some more clues.




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