ALChemy5 Aug 2005

Upon the first reading, it kinda reminded me of the first part of the animated british film "When the Wind Blows" An older couple with a humdrum life and then the omen of war and certain death. I didn't pick up on much of the symbolism. Maybe if you used "The" Yeast it might be deciphered as "The East" which might then lead to the idea that Girlie is from the west. I don't think anyone will recognize Bush as Girlie but they might see the U.S. as Girlie. "Peaces" slips buy as "Peices" on first read. So the last verse kind of comes out of left field after all that domestic talk. So Maybe some slightly less abrasive words than "pungent, graves and bombed". Maybe "as fertile and pungent as mud-pies,
as a scorched earth. And yet we have no bread."?
I'd prefer Peace over "peaces" only because it's a plural pitted up against a singular. Or maybe just place a period after peaces. The broken sentences make a cryptic poem even more cryptic. Your choice of symbolism and how you set the mood is great there just needs to be some more clues.