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Almost Persuaded (Free verse) by Dovina

While we’re sleeping something’s keeping the world spinning uniformity winning While we’re dueling for knowledge drooling something’s ambling comfortably ruling Something sensible? Responsible? Reprehensible!

ALChemy 9-Jul-05/9:11 AM
If you make a vague poem people will get different meanings from it. I like that I can give this my own meaning. I like the switch from possitivity to negetivity at the end. But "ambling"? Although with alot of thought I see how you might be going for the Gen. Patton type image calmly surveying the battlefield. I think it just tends to come across as a fancy word for walking for most. Try some other words. The second verse just needs a little tweeking. It's pretty good Though.




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