Replying to a comment on:

A Place (Other) by Celtic

Let me take you to a place, far beneath the moon Where pixies dance on flowers, not yet in full bloom A place beyond prying eyes, without fear of strangers A sacred place, That has not many dangers Where leprechauns count their gold, like it’s going out of style Little hollow out trees, hold little bright smiles The wind is always calm, And the stream ever flowing The grass so green, And not a weed to be seen! It’s just a little haven, In here behind the waterfall For all magic things, Big or small I really must get going, There’s a game about to start It’s called “Catch the leprechaun“, So I really must depart!

Lenore 6-Jul-05/9:54 AM
This poem could be great. I found it too simple. Perhaps if you gave us more a sense of its Magic.
How does this place feel? We know the wind is always calm but how does it look? How does it smell? How is it lit? What time of day are we seeing it, In moonlight, starlight, sunshine?
The descriptions are flat and matter of fact and because of this, the poem loses its Magic.
I’d love to see this reworked. Paint it more vivid. Take us somewhere enchanted!




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001