Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 14:50:29 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

A Righteous Prayer (Free verse) by Dovina

Oh, God, Whom I enthrone Because You meet my needs Grant now my petitions For which I make claim I bring humbly before You All those lofty ideals Iâve kept With passion for religion As tools for advancement As Your Word admonishes I now beseech Not in prayer demanding But in humble knowing I ask in faith, believing Rejecting the hypocrites Who say with their platitudes Youâve outlived usefulness I shall not shrink from asking With a righteous heart From One who gives to those In whom He delights Amen

zodiac

3-Jul-05/6:49 AM

Sorry, that doesn't cut it for me. Maybe it'll cut it for someone else and maybe that person will be more handsome than me or a billionaire publisher or something, but I kind of doubt it.

I already said what way rotten.

1) Grant now my petitions
For which I make claim

is redundant, and hits me kind of like fingernails on chalkboards. Again, you wouldn't say "I make claim for my petitions". Even praying-type people don't. You do this every time you try to keep a participle from dangling and if you don't watch out you're going to get stuck in that posture.

2) I've kept
With passion for religion
As tools for advancement

is silly, and sounds so unlike prayer that you can't even say it's supposed to be bad it's prayer.

3) The third stanza.

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