zodiac3 Jul 2005

Sorry, that doesn't cut it for me. Maybe it'll cut it for someone else and maybe that person will be more handsome than me or a billionaire publisher or something, but I kind of doubt it.

I already said what way rotten.

1) Grant now my petitions
For which I make claim

is redundant, and hits me kind of like fingernails on chalkboards. Again, you wouldn't say "I make claim for my petitions". Even praying-type people don't. You do this every time you try to keep a participle from dangling and if you don't watch out you're going to get stuck in that posture.

2) I've kept
With passion for religion
As tools for advancement

is silly, and sounds so unlike prayer that you can't even say it's supposed to be bad it's prayer.

3) The third stanza.