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The choices we make (Free verse) by darby pyn

A fire deep inside won’t let me lament. inoculate the soars with rhetorical cement. born for breeding and dying young like my father and like his son. my carnal vices hold no sect I’m secular form that intellect it held me down in it’s archaic fist. and kept me blind below the mist of forgery with a smile. guilty without a trial. in my Shiva I mourned my youth with callow ignorance I stayed aloof. promiscuous with every shot I laid her down above my cot and lose myself below the belt and watch her inhibitions melt and for a moment we were one. I promised her the moon and sun. but in the morning I just stood still watching her cry by the doorway sill and as the door closed behind her back I suffered my first heart attack. that day I knew I had no soul and blamed it on no self-control. years would pass and the taste would sting with every memory the past would bring. till I was left alone to cower in the corner of my judgment hour

Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 30-Jun-05/1:32 AM
you have a lot of words in your mind. I think you may not lack intellect. I am not a good poet, but I do something with all of my poems that i think you should do: Think about each line and what it's saying.

"inoculate the soars with rhetorical cement"
inoculate (make immune through the introduction of a micro-organism or virus in a cultured medium)

"make immune the sores with rhetorical cement"
so, the disease you are trying to prevent is rhetorical cement?

okay, rhetorical means what? Something said to produce an effect rather than a response. so rhetorical cement is what? cement that is cemented to produce an effect rather than a response?

I am not good enough to try rhyming anything. I don't have a strong enough vocabulary to reach for rhyme AND rhythm...and I've been reading and writing for a long time.




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