zodiac23 Jun 2005

My suggestions:

1) Punctuate.
2) Stop writing all of your sentences the same, and making them all like "Beside painted siding abandoned homes melt and slough to statues etc, etc, etc." I'm at a loss to explain exactly how simplistic and yet totally unnatural your sentence structures are, and how there are a lot better ones. You're just going to say, "But my sentences have so many words! So many subordinate clauses!"
3) Include similes. People like similes. Really, modern poetry's like 1 simile or metaphor per 2 lines.

That's about it. You're as always perfectly entitled to tell me to bug off.