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A Message from my Dreams (Sonnet) by Joshua_Tree

I heard a plaintive message from my dreams, That they were lonely missing me, it seems. "Where have you been our friend, our one time friend." I felt a touch from one I knew as love, Who had at last been sent from God above To speak a new beginning from the end. I have a blessed vision from my muse, She directs me put away my blues - To paint the sun with dots of shining gold. I smell the sweet incense of romance burn And taste a wine so sweet I cannot turn. My troubled heart again to be made bold. A lover I have neither seen nor heard, My heart yet hangs on her every word.

Joshua_Tree 19-Jun-05/11:54 AM
Lollipop, lollipop. Oh, lolly, lollipop. Lollipop!

I agree that triteness and cliché are generally to be avoided, but I don't think that it has to spoil a particular work. The main things are to avoid obvious work arounds and to avoid hingeing the development of the poem on the afflicted lines. In this case, the offending couplet originated later in the development of the poem, but I moved it closer to the begining in order to de-emphasize it.




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