Poemranker [Replying] Fri Nov 22 06:48:36 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

song of the birds (Free verse) by rainbow

i walk in the forest i hear the crisp leaves crunch beneath my feet the sunlight shines upon my face the hawk cries i feel it's pain i smell the the forest i feel calm i watch the clouds pass by above my head i feel so alive i look around i feel so alone all by myself i have nothing left the golden sun hides from me the forest turns black it is no longer my friend the hawk cries once again i feel it's pain i feel my pain

LilMsLadyPoet

14-Jun-05/4:28 PM

Note:people often get these confused. If you think: its > means it belongs to it! its pain, his pain, her pain. It's means >IT IS! It is pain! (I am sure you saw typo of "i smell the the forest") Other than that, I don't understand you moving from one feeling to the next so swiftly. You have the sun shining on your face, you feel its pain, you feel calm, so alive, then so alone, then as if you have nothing left, and you feel your pain. Think of this as a paining...how in the owrld would you paint this scene? I can't paint the picture in my mind, either...because you keep changing the scenery on me! Pick a scene and then paint it for me...make me feel it, smell it, hear it, see it. Either paint it as a painful picture, OR a calming picture...whatever, but pick one and make it clear. When you are proficient at that, then perhaps try to move from one scene into another, or paint the scene in the midst of a change.

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