Poemranker [Replying] Sun May 19 05:12:06 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Irreplaceable (Lyric) by elixir

If they turn the sand to gold If they give me the stars to hold If they force the morning light To shine my dark and shadowy night If they crown me king on land and sea And give away the sky as a gift to me If all that I wish for, instantly be mine If all that I do be acceptable and fine I'd want nothing of that ever come true As much as I want to be with you

LilMsLadyPoet

14-Jun-05/4:17 PM

I was wondering if you left out a word. Should there be 'to' in the second to last line? "I'd want nothing of that to ever come true" (or "ever to") I also wondered if it was a typo in: "If they force the morning light/ To shine MY dark and shadowy night". I wondered if it was meant to read "BY"?
Also...just a thought...but "want" to be with you....seems a weak word for the kind of wanting you are doing here! I would do some brain-storming for a new word that better captures such a 'want'. I can think of several off the top of my head> yearn, ache, hunger. Or maybe 'want' would be fine if you changed "to be with you" to something 'stronger'? To lay with you....to dance with you...or better yet...to fly with you, to walk with you, or to love with you. Over-all I had to give this a high score, in spite of my thinking aloud here on the comments.

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