Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 12:41:02 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

-750,000 in Rwanda (Free verse) by ALChemy

See how the Tutsi sleep dead in heaps and still they lie there where they die. Too many for the census takers, calculators, estimators. Too many for the senses to take. Hear our silence serenade the merciless raid. The order's called. The triggers pulled. The flash, the bang, the flesh explodes. and in the air the smell still hangs of a rotting sweetness in churches and streets. wreaking our futures bleakness Touch the ground unsettled ground desecration abound There are more bodies than bullet shells stabbing children snapping thier necks. Save the bullets for mom and dad. Kids are easier to kill.

zodiac

11-Jun-05/12:44 AM

Yes, I know. "Sleep" is always used like that. It's in so many poems you start wishing for dead people doing something else. Or for people actually sleeping instead of only figuratively sleeping and really being dead.

I don't think that's what "heaps" means. At least, that's not how it looks in the poem. Especially since we've all already heard about the Rwandan dead ending up in REAL heaps (that is, in piles) though they didn't die there. One way or another, the stanza is a little confusing or misleading.

"The word dead is in front of heaps which in english usually means they're dead first." No it doesn't. Besides, you say they're "in heaps ... [lying] where they die." My logic is

1) They're in heaps now.
2) They're where they died.
3) Ergo, they were in heaps when (ie, just before) they died.

And I don't see what you're getting at. At least, I don't see how this applies to any of the concerns I raised before.

Yes, I know the bodies were left to rot. But the point is, it's not too many for the census takers, figurative or otherwise. The truth is that REAL census takers REALLY DID take a census and find out how many died, so if you just want a way to say they're left to rot and there are too many of them, you might consider saying one that's true, like, oh, they're left to rot and there are too many of them. (Also, the census takers naturally counted the dead by counting the number left and comparing that figure with an earlier census, so it would logically be easier, if not more humane, if more people have died - not harder, like you're suggesting.)

I don't understand why a fire brigade is present. If I'm missing something (out of my American ignorance) please let me know.

The bigger point is - and this is true for most poemranker users, not just you - when writing a poem you HAVE TO MAKE SURE SOMETHING IS LITERALLY TRUE before you can make it figuratively true. You can disagree, if you like, and I'd like the chance to explain why it's a must. But I do wish you'd just take my word for it.

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