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Always Forever (Free verse) by Princess_Snowflake

You'll be leaving this place where you've been for almost a few years. It is time to say goodbye to the place you've been and remember the times like it was just yesterday. Although when you're gone we will be friends always forever and always be keeping in touch. It will be the time when you look for something that is new that you might have been dreaming of. I'll be missing you but we will always forever be friends.

DoubleU 6-Jun-05/3:31 AM
The problem with most writing critters (a Rockmage tone now) is that they write without thinking. Contradictions and pleonasms (f.i. 'tiny little firefly') can unintentionally turn out comical or ridiculous if they're not thought over by the author.
This one contains a contradiction, and it's not >>always forever<<. The contradiction is in lines 12-13 and lines 15-16.

There is a poetic thought in this poem, but not one poetic line. There's not one moment where I give a shit about you and your dear friend. You wrote this to please yourself and did't give a shit about your readers. Hence my zero.





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