Replying to a comment on:

Last Night (Free verse) by Roisin

Last night, blade in hand she sat, pent up anger rising through crimson slits, frantically shaking away drips of despair. All the pain only relative, an evaporation from the mind condenses on her body. Today she soaks smeared stains in cold water, wipes up any sticky puddles she can find, wears a jumper in summer and makes time to tune in to the saccharine soap she watches every day. There is a patch of dried blood on the bathroom door handle where a hand pulled at it to be free. I do not wipe it away. I want her to catch sight. To see herself in it’s reflection, And me; the absorbent dam in her pain's reservoir.

INTRANSIT 31-May-05/7:03 AM
Most suicide writers say "I'm gonna kill myself". So, this being written in 2nd person, I think makes it better than the normal suicide schlock we're accustomed to. Maybe stanza two can be expounded on to help bring more of the subjects person into the picture. Most of the poem is blood being cleaned up. I'd like to see more hurt/cause. I think circuit could be used.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2019 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001