Replying to a comment on:

A stitch (Free verse) by EAger to Offend

A stitch There is a hairline fracture You cannot see it without some scrutiny But, I’m sure that it will make itself known The pain will drown you Outweighed only by fear You will submit with every rush of tidal torture And yet, it will not subside When your arches have been spiked at every step: When your hands do not withdraw from the too-hot dishwater: When that horrible pop song begins again for the millionth time And your bowels knot, And all connective tissue begins to snap strand By strand, by strand… You will wish you could redress your neglect. Of course, by then It will no longer be a hairline fracture.

nentwined 24-May-05/6:57 PM
uses a few too many words, or perhaps the words it uses just aren't as effective as they could be. Simple statement, which in this case I think is good, but doesn't work for me. The horrible pop song reference in particular... Hmm. Make me _feel_ these things, describe them instead of name them, perhaps.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001