Poemranker [Replying] Sat May 04 11:08:04 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

I heard your cries broken Angel they were echos of mine long ago He said he was my friend, as he led me into the room inside He said he had something to show me and in my innocence I followed Such a long time ago, but never forgotten

DoubleU

21-May-05/4:17 PM

OK; my incomprehension may lay in the fact that I'm foreign and don't know the poem you refer to. I stay with my opinion however that this related cause, speaking (crying) from a poem, plays a hugh part in the reliving of your own trauma. And you must not restrict that cause to only one line. The girl, the Broken Angel, is literally pushed off. And that's also a reason why your poem does not emotionalizes. To yourself, perhaps; not to others.
In my view you made a remarkable mistake. I would never have dwelled on it so long, had it not been for a subject so heavy and so delicate at the same time.
If writing about it the way you do here makes you feel better, go on. But don't publish it if your aim is to touch readers. You won't because this way you are not sharing. (underlined)
In general I dislike writers who stay enclosed within themselves, Don 't go this road.

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

An internet tradition since June 9, 2001