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Talia Eternal (Free verse) by Enkidu

Of late her temper, Flaring alike to mortal rage Is slaked by birds of down Which flutter beside her And give brief comfort The cobalt shadows cast Talia in the palest light While she disapproves the daring, Wild dance of sunny morning About her person Alone She stands alone Her eyes closed to A swift and swollen reality Robbed painfully of darkness Alas! Talia Vampiress no more

Alizarin_Crimson 20-May-05/12:26 PM
Why do you have to be so nasty? I was not in any way rude to you in my criticism, I was trying to help. Why are you putting up poetry if you don't want an honest opinion about it? I'll give you an honest opinion. I don't give a fuck about your stupid little vampire brat, she can go fuck herself with a three-foot stake. Your word usage is painfully pretentious, I'm trying to help you see that so people can understand the meaning of your poetry without vomiting. The word slake suggests something liquid, and birds of down cannot conceivably do that. So you could use another word, such as "eased" . Have you tried cracking open a dictionary every once in a while? Shit, man....




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