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Self Conscious (Free verse) by Damien

Evidently I am feeling self-conscious at the moment I am peeling my emotions away so I am freely showing I am not at all going to beg for mercy as I recite my facts I feel you may attack. At any time you could fight back I think you should do this but through a poem sounding crazy I know you will but I think it will be a “comment” maybe I will one day prove that the assumptions I make are of few I feel this is my purpose, as my message needs you I see there is no message if it only belongs to myself I also see I must spread my love through everything else I realize humans are very hard to get through to I know this because I am a human just like you I always decide to use metaphors. Within my poetry I confuse I, although, can understand the meanings I produce I do not however speak like this in conversation I find the words here are a creation from sensation I use them to embrace the very thought pattern I play And I will one day decay this negative surface we stay For I hold a purpose I cannot share in case of doubt But it is for the best intention of everyone around

zodiac 27-Apr-05/5:28 AM
That's actual criticism, buddy. "new" doesn't work in that line; "true" would work better.

Also, yes you can rhyme. But don't try to make the rhyming word fall at the end of the sentence every time. It makes people say things like "Within my poetry I confuse", which sounds like stretching for a rhyme, instead of "I confuse people with my poetry" or "I get confused by my poetry," whichever one you meant. Try to run sentences through the end of lines. You could have said something as simple as

I always decide to use
metaphors to confuse
people, though I understand the meanings I produce.

That's even a triple-word score. The trick to pawning off rhyme on the rhyme-hating public is don't give them an excuse to say the rhyme's cramping your style.

Also, make sure you punctuate like normal sentences. All of these line ends would be periods, except that you're going to change it so it flows across lines.




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