Replying to a comment on:

Potential (Free verse) by Christof

Drawn back into the day I am slackened and rested Like an unfired arrow. I let myself fly into the night Pitched out into dreams and restlessness But waking found nothing But an ache of inertia. Fists rest in pockets like wars unwon Eyes close on sights unseen And all I've spent is unearned.

Christof 12-Apr-05/7:07 AM
Interesting - I like the tension created by the fact that 'let' could be present or past while 'found' and 'spent' tie it to the past. Do you find that ambivalence a hindrance? Similarly, I like the tension caused by the repetition of 'drawn back', hoping it prolongs the action in the imagination - perhaps this is not the case in practice. Thanks for your comments.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001