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Mixtapes (or We Always End Where We Began) (Free verse) by philn

Side A Spring has sprung (or so I’m told) and I have recently discovered: April showers yield more than May flowers. Maybe it’s the sunlight – genial and inviting – Like an accidental smile formed by accidental stars, That seem to make each accidental day worth waking up to. Or perhaps, it is the blue skies that (on occasion) Emerge from the bleak and lifeless clouds, like a pair Of azure eyes that (by chance) meet my own, Drowning all of the trials and aching. As if to say, “These few moments, Make this whole stupid day worthwhile.” Who says hearts can’t skip a beat? And oddly enough, through it all I find that I cannot: 1. Stop making mixtapes 2. Stop listening to love songs 3. Stop making mixtapes of love songs Side B Call it cliché, but Each time I seek To put to words how she talks, looks, moves; Each time I hope To engage with her in casual conversation; Each time I try To describe the majesty of the sun, Words seem trite. As if words themselves lack the ability to communicate This awkward, tender, warmth. This hope, this wish, this prayer. And yet, all things are possible, even a camel’s journey through the eye of a needle. But I hate to imagine how the camel feels Squeezed out in one long, painful, bloody trail. A mixtape has to be deliberate. The songs must vary stylistically: Hackneyed ballads, The lighthearted, the emotive A song or two (as not to make it too obvious) That say the things you wish you could communicate. Each one transitioning well From one to the other, Like days in a week and weeks in a season. My transitions are somewhat awkward. I’m working on that though. I think I’m making progress. The theme must be apparent, yet subtle. And artistic unity. Just like in life after all is said and done: We must always end where we began. Spring has sprung.

philn 8-Apr-05/6:30 PM
It might just be me, but I'm alot like John Cusek in High Fidelity. If I find that I really like someone I generally find that I listen to a lot of love songs during that period and often make mixtapes for that person or of songs that remind me of that person.

I wrote this because I was (and still am somewhat) frustrated about a relationship that doesn't really go anywhere. I thought the parallel was interesting because I kept making mixtapes (cheesy, I know) and the songs would transition just like the relationship would progress, but in the end the mixtape and the relationship didn't really go anywhere. It always ended where it began. It's the same way in life, but I also used that because I think it's somewhat ironic how dead it feels to be in love in the spring right now. Birds and chirping, the sun is shining. It just makes me sick. Heh.




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