James Rykelangeli2 Apr 2005

You feel "completely and truly" in a place of "false consciousness" and "mental hibernation"... hmm -- you seem unsure of what you're trying to say. But it seems you're talking about daydreaming versus reality, and since you're listening to "a someone's inspiration," we can perhaps surmise that you're talking about idealistic daydreaming elicited by art, conversation, etc., and I suppose your final sentence is about making the world more like the ideals you imagine. Yes, these sentiments are fine, but with poetry, you should often attach them to something concrete or else the whole poem becomes nebulous and difficult to relate to. (While this isn't a law etched in stone, it will be a particularly good exercise for improving the shortcomings demonstrated in this poem.) The concrete situation or object to which you attach your sentiments becomes the medium by which you examine those sentiments. (An example of a hackneyed medium would be a rose to examine love.)