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Broken and Floating (Free verse) by camperdfl

I remember thinking back To when you said that I couldn't hang out with people of color I wished bad things on you I dreamed of the cracking sound of your skull The noise was loud like a bat hitting a 100 mile per hour fastball I often hoped it was your body that they would find in the lake.

thepinkbunnyofdoom 2-Apr-05/1:34 AM
Potential, but I doubt this took you more than 20 minutes to write. The first few lines are drab. The last 2 are great images, but don't run off the tongue like they should. Read a little more poetry, then rewrite this. -5-




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