Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 22:56:02 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

A Blind Child Speaks (Other) by Grandma

I may not see the way you do With eyes so bright and quick But I know where flowers abound And where the grass grows thick I know if you are kinda little And I know if you are tall O I can see so many things YOU may not see at all I use my ears and hands for eyes And make them see for me I listen hard and gently touch And thus it is I see God must have a reason For making me like this Perhaps He meant for me to see What other people miss!

nentwined

9-Mar-05/10:48 PM

"O I can see so many things / YOU may not see at all"
"Perhaps He meant for me to see / What other people miss!"

is the only direct repetition, but I suppose more what I wanted to say was something along the lines of--

You use an awful lot of words to say not so much. I understand that happens often when going for a cute tone, and I'm just as guilty of it sometimes, but it really doesn't work for me, here.

Like watching a child skip along the road, where they trip over their shoelaces every other step.

It might help if you hypothesized a few things that other people miss--not to the extent of a laundry list, but something more than "I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know!"

Perhaps.

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