zodiac18 Feb 2005

Okay.

1) Change the title. If you absolutely refuse to change it, at least capitalize it.
2) "amongst" is misused. If you have to use it, change "beauty" to "beauties"
3) By the time you get to "Reach to the sun" I've already forgotten what the subject of this sentence is. Of course, I know the subject of "reach" is really stem and petals, so what the hell happened to the flower? What you have is essetially equivalent to the following flummox:
A dog, named for some reason Frugal, its nose and tongue, red and wet, touch snuffingly on its own ass, etc etc etc. If you can't see why this sentence isn't poetry, there's no help for you.
5) None of this, from the obliviously dancing flower to the reaching to welcome the sun is AT ALL original. In fact, it's all been expressed about a million times before in almost exactly the same words, only better punctuated. In fact, writing about flowers is simply a bad idea.
6) "understatement in every sense of the word" is preposterous. How many senses does "understatement" have. I can think of two at least, which is probably more than you can think of.
7) The rhetorical "Does one compare a mountain to an ant hill" parts have to go. For one thing: Yes, one does. A mountain is bigger, and generally less anty.
8) Spawn is misused.
9) Congratulations on using the word "crippled". I know that's not a criticism.
10) Why don't you punctuate a little? Break it up some?
11) I still haven't found a non-overused image besides crippled, and I'm almost done.
12) In short,
Q: How many Shakespearey type poems have you read?
Q2: Do you like them?
Q3: What's your favorite pre-1800 poem? Mine's the part in the Miller's Tale that goes

Derk was the nyght as pich, or as a cole,
And at the wyndow out she putte hir hole,
And Absolon, hym fil no bet ne wers,
But with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers
Ful savorly, er he were war of this.
Abak he stirte, and thoughte it was amys,
For wel he wiste a womman hath no berd.
He felte a thyng al rough and long yherd,
And seyde, "Fy! allas! what have I do?"
"Tehee!" quod she, and clapte the wyndow to,
And Absolon gooth forth a sory pas.
"A berd! a berd!" quod hende Nicholas,
"By Goddes corpus, this goth faire and weel."