Shuushin10 Feb 2005

Lindsey, the thing is these can't be made better.

There are lots of ways to express these kinds of emotions, what you have is one of them, and it is more or less appropriate for these sentiments.

All I can give you are some general rules to make you poems, at this stage in your life, better:

1) show, don't tell
2) spellchek the thing
3) don't make compromises in meaning for ryhme
3) make sure you have a reason for every word you put down
3) don't waste the reader's time; give them a reason to keep reading
4) don't expect them to read it just because you wrote it

of course there's more. For now, just write as much as you can, and read more.

and do a search for dark angel's mediocrity score thing and pay some attention to it.