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Dying Abroad (Triolet) by zodiac

Come home, girl, on a fractious day to the gravel road lined with fern. And I'll know (for my feet will have turned that way) that you've come home, girl, on a fractious day. Slip sibilant over the fields, so they will shimmer a moment, and burn with a feeling not unlike a fractious day on a gravel road lined with fern. I'll find you, boy, like an early snow on a field of uncut hay. God, I've missed the hay-smelling autumn, so I'll find you there, like an early snow from a stonewalled riverside town - so you'll know that I cannot stay, I cannot stay. If you'll wait for me, boy, like an early snow, in a field of uncut hay.

Goad 3-Feb-05/2:22 PM
Loved it. Beautiful and wistful. God I'm a sucker for wistful. I think you're channeling "Anonymous" again in this piece, lol, it's got that timeless feel (You know, Anonymous the "small rain" guy)

kill "slip sibilant." It's clever & reflexive -- which is completely out of place in the mood of the piece.

Perhaps I agree the last fractious line oughtn't be so altered. I'm not sure. Suppose you could say something like "with the feeling your home, girl,...". But you've certainly earned the right to mess with forms however you like...




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