Replying to a comment on:

Satan's Pillar: The Wisdom of Heresy. (Free verse) by SupremeDreamer

The mumbles of the wretched man asks "Where is my tranquil repose among the ruins of life?" "Why must it end like this?" Silence follows, quivers add emphasis as they run up his bent spine. Darkness answers. "Fool, it lies beneath you and your righteous arms, hands cupped in the manner of a beggar. The weak may never become whole. They exist merely to serve." Dispirited, the pious one erupts in tears, grimaces in fear and anger, feeling deceived. "I have lived a moral and good life, have harmed no one, obeyed the law, served my country, and never dared to question the wisdom of my superiors! I am owed a place in paradise!" Death laughs. "You had no courage, no spine, no impulse that drove you to take what was yours. You accepted the rhetoric, that you were lacking, so then you renounced your will. Life owes you nothing, and neither do I, coward." Enraged the humble peasant cried "I have resisted the temptations of the devil, and this is how you repay me?" Satan snickers. "You, a slave, were so consumed by fear and awe, that you were unwilling to comprehend fully the meaning of "Being created in his image." and rejected the glory of embracing the truth. So wither as should a servant-- may your ashes fade to dust." Whimpering, the weakling felt the cold embrace of silence and the stillness of death, accepting his chosen fate. He lay rotting, decayed, freed from purgatory, left at the gate of oblivion.

SupremeDreamer 1-Feb-05/3:44 PM
Oi, A twinkle in the black velvet void.

Ask noted and modified in my carbon copy mam.. I need to be more vigilant with the idea of reciting my shit outloud to myself so I can better pick up on them lil ticks.

Pious describes how he lived his life, which makes his sudden impudence more "from the left field". Or rather that was my intention, then again it's also a question of how one believes faith is expressed.

Now let me clarify something else, the guy isn't dead when these forces speak to him, which they bother to do because he's in the end-finale of dying, and he's unveiling the suspicions that have been kept in the far corner of his unconscious, in the ole closet of fear.

Essentially, these forces or spirits are in actuality born from him alone, the guy who he kept buried away in shame.

Also, no afterlife is presumed, but rather that he becomes void within the embrace of oblivion since he lived a life that left him spiritually, psychologically, and emotionaly unfulfilled.

It's not a reverent one whimpering before god, but his own unrealized dreams.

Maybe the religious speech or description detracts from all that, maybe I got too hopped up on the heretical "what lies behind the door which is forbidden by default" concept.

Does this crystallizes the picture? Any essential throw offs which you'd like to mention with how I executed the intended context, etc.?




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2019 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001