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Tale of a lonely heart (Free verse) by Bhaskaryya

Nurtured betwixt eyelashes Cradled by silver moonshine Breastfed by emotions subdued A young dream gently conjures Within the bolted entrails Of my lonesome heart; Opening the prison of my soul And allowing my rusted thoughts To sear up high and once more Transcend the boundaries of free air- Elevated much higher from ground reality. And with the placid breeze drifts along The sweet aroma of your presence, Mingled with the mellow whispers Of your soothing voice calling out None but my name! Yet again, I embrace you in my longing arms And the dew drops cascading from my eyes Falls upon your tender lips As they softly touch upon mine. Those dark braids of yours Cover me within yourself Casting me away forever (or so I think) From this dreary and futile world And once more you fill up the void in my heart Created by yourself in the ‘now’ distant reality. It’s loneliness herself, I realize, Who beckons you once more to me, Though she knows she is bidding farewell To her own existence. (Till another morn!)

Goad 23-Jan-05/2:34 PM
Bhaskaryya, I read your profile, which says your 17 and English is a second language for you.

First, let me commend you on your command of English, which is far better than that of many native speakers here on the 'wanker.

Second, let me ask you, why do you want comments on your pome? Because it's a fucking terrible poem. Do you want to hear that, and why, or do you want comments from people who will tell you you're a sweet creative boy genius who's touched their heart and omigod I felt EXACTLY this way LAST TUESDAY!!!!111

schmalzy means "effusively or insincerely emotional"*, like for example a bad pop song that makes you roll your eyes, or a hallmark greeting card

weltschmerz is a German word (but often used in English) that means "world-weariness: sadness on thinking about the evils of the world"*

can you see how "schmalzy weltschmerz" might apply to the second half of your pome?

*definitions from WordNet

In any case, pay little attention to me. I'm a cranky old git with only the tiniest smidgeon of talent for writing, long ago dried up and shriveled away, who comes occasionally to pomeranker purely for the cathartic experience of ridiculing and bullying those with even less talent than myself.




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