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Revaluations (Free verse) by Beyond_Dreams

I sat alone in the hidden alley watching the city pass me full of laughing hyenas, unaware. I sat alone, no one noticed me they passed the darkness where I pretended to be glorified with the booze bottle wrapped in paper. The street lamps flickered; red, yellow, and green. One after another music satisfied my aching soul. Maybe I thought the world would be better if my eyes were only half closed. But I am more than a passing person alone, unaware of my surroundings. I was meant to live more here. Sitting on the out skirts of the forgotten lonely alley strumming the stings of life to which no one payed attention; or cared. But I played on. Eyes half open but still more aware than the laughing hyenas blinded by perpetual plastic and predominate lies.

MacFrantic 17-Jan-05/11:59 AM
O.K.
Smarter usage of semi-colons
The second one is awful
S3 L3-4 don't make enough sense.
The contradictory statements about the people around him and then applying these statements to your own character. When trying to convey realization, you are actually making this character one of the "hyenas". Mostly recognized in the two contrasting "unaware"s. This would be brilliant if it was on purpose, but the quality of the poem suggests that it was not.

Outskirts is one word
st[r]ings
Introducing the peoples' objectivity in the last line leaves readers a bit confused because it comes out of nowhere.





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