richa2 Nov 2004

The lines 1-4 set up an expectation of a certain rhythm. And then lines 5-10 use a different rhythm. It all makes the poem difficult to read. I would at least split it into two verses.

'all are we' at the end is an inversion purely to make the poem rhyme. Such behaviour is very wrong.

Playing with peoples expectations of where rhymes are to be can work very well. But you must beware that it does not always work.

Rather than talking of fascists as you giving the definitive statement it would be better if a character in the poem was saying it. Telling us with your first two lines about fascists (in trees under logs) makes you sound kind of paranoid.