richa31 Oct 2004

Then we are back to where we started. By 'no blooms we see from those deflowered' what you mean is that those who lose there innocence never show the same vitality again. That is as specific as the metaphor allows. Therefore you are saying that all non-virgins have no vitality. The metaphor also implies that the a 'deflowered' flower will never bloom again. This is incorrect. This is an example of the problem with the poem. Metaphors must be tight, they must track, this one is literally redundant (the way you mean it) and open to misinterpretation (the way the reader reads it).

What I am saying is no different from what any other member of a poetry site will say. The use of excessively archaic language when the poem works without is a no-no. Metaphors that are open to misinterpretation are not good metaphors. Also when I said published, I meant a piece that a respectable publisher would put in their magazine. 'Whilst the bells ring' has a good last verse but the title alone would be enough to get an editor to throw the poem in the bin.