Poemranker [Replying] Sat May 04 15:36:16 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Call upon the wrath of god on ye (Other) by Imago

Call upon the wrath of god on ye who see fit to tamper with such purity of that which once lost can not be found for such diseased ticks must be picked and squashed between ones fingers lest they spread their scurge upon that fertil ground for once the soil is soured within all fruit it bare the disease lingers no blooms we see from those deflowered call upon the wrath of god for the wrath of god is truth and it maybe the only cure call upon the wrath of god and the seed you sow may grow and bloom into something that is pure

richa

31-Oct-04/5:13 AM

Then we are back to where we started. By 'no blooms we see from those deflowered' what you mean is that those who lose there innocence never show the same vitality again. That is as specific as the metaphor allows. Therefore you are saying that all non-virgins have no vitality. The metaphor also implies that the a 'deflowered' flower will never bloom again. This is incorrect. This is an example of the problem with the poem. Metaphors must be tight, they must track, this one is literally redundant (the way you mean it) and open to misinterpretation (the way the reader reads it).

What I am saying is no different from what any other member of a poetry site will say. The use of excessively archaic language when the poem works without is a no-no. Metaphors that are open to misinterpretation are not good metaphors. Also when I said published, I meant a piece that a respectable publisher would put in their magazine. 'Whilst the bells ring' has a good last verse but the title alone would be enough to get an editor to throw the poem in the bin.

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

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