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Call upon the wrath of god on ye (Other) by Imago

Call upon the wrath of god on ye who see fit to tamper with such purity of that which once lost can not be found for such diseased ticks must be picked and squashed between ones fingers lest they spread their scurge upon that fertil ground for once the soil is soured within all fruit it bare the disease lingers no blooms we see from those deflowered call upon the wrath of god for the wrath of god is truth and it maybe the only cure call upon the wrath of god and the seed you sow may grow and bloom into something that is pure

Tintagiles 30-Oct-04/7:50 PM
The first line is, I'm afraid, grammatical nonsense. Permit me to explain. If you call on something, especially someone's wrath, you call on it to do something. Thus, if you want to keep the 'upon, you would have to add a verb later on, and say something along the lines of 'Call upon the wrath of God To fall on them'. Elsewise, you can rid yourself of the upon and keep the rest as it is [with one exception I'll get to in a moment] -- 'Call the wrath of God on them' -- which would be the equivalent, more or less, of your 'Pox on thee' example.

Secondly, it should be (as in my rewritten versions) 'on THEM', due to the fact that 'Thee' is the singular pronoun. As it stands, you're telling the abuser to call the wrath of God on himself -- an admirable sentiment, perhaps, but not very practical or likely. Besides, to make it work as it is, you'd have to change the tense in the second line to 'Who sees' -- again, 'Thee' being singular. Also, the fourth and fifth lines are just plain silly. And the spelling's a disaster.




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