-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.30 Oct 2004

Except "Call upon the wrath of God on thee" is such an awkward line. Is "Call upon" a command? Or does it mean "I call upon"? If it's a command, then it makes no sense because you're saying "You call upon the wrath of God on you", because "thee" means you. What you should be saying is something like:

"Call upon the wrath of God, to fall upon those who see fit to tamper with..."

If it means "I call upon", then it's still awkward, because you're saying "I call upon the wrath of God on you", which is full of ambiguities. Are you calling upon a wrath of god that's sitting on someone? Are you calling upon the wrath of God whilst standing on someone? Or are you calling upon the wrath of God, to fall upon someone? You want the latter, but the sentence as you've written it could be read all three ways.

There are other problems with this poeme, mostly due to a lack of punctuation. In short, what you have is a garbled mess :(