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Replying to a comment on:
Who is deserving of all my love (Free verse) by zodiac
(for Dovina)
He said a little prayer when it was dark,
although he'd not believed since he was young
there was a God, or God like people say.
And he didn't pray like timid people pray.
But sometimes, coming home late under stark
white streetlights, into darkness, and among
the intermittent lamps along the park,
and talking easy nonsense with his wife,
he prayed to calm his nerves: if I am wrong
and there is God and Hell, He cannot be
more wise or just or merciful than me -
who'd still forgive the meadow-fly who'd stung
him in the field, the man who draws a knife
along this place that's coming where it's dark.
Or anyone on earth, and not require
that he submit to save him from the fire.
-
All this he'd pray, then feel himself made strong,
content if there's some netherworld, it's bare,
and they were safe and potent and won't hark
at noises in the shadows of the park
or city-evening shapes that came along
their path and glanced and passed without remark.
And then it comes, a voice: My fellow! There
is one you'd not forgive; for if you knew
the pain you caused a girl once, blind and strong
with lust, you'd not forgive yourself (though wed
and worship her you might, my lad.) And may-
-be this is fancy - such things are - and untrue,
but watch: she'll flich if you reach to touch her hair -
You see! You're damned already, boy! Now do
you still believe We have to pardon you?
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A three a.m., still warm, and all the park
was live and dark with wind and summer pear
and fence-entwining rustling scuppernong;
he watched it from a bedroom chair and longed
to not be afraid of darkness. Not be scared
that they were, all of them, already dead.
Then she awoke and called him back to bed.
And feared him. God! he said, if I were young,
I'd slip out of the house into that throng
of fragrant magic places there. I'd tread
fearless with youth, immortal, and among
whatever doubts await me in the dark -
And so he prayed, just half-knowing he prayed,
long after the park turned commonplace with day.
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