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A Better God (Free verse) by Dovina

When I become god of a far away planet, I’ll set up my world with great beauty and wit. And to keep me from getting too lonely, I’ll make beings to admire my work. My creatures will discover all that I’ve made quite pleasing and right in their finite minds. I’ll show them in love how their world was formed, remove any doubt of who did it or why. Ancient texts on how I created, I’ll not leave about to conflict with evidence for some other way. No, I’ll make plain how to seek me and praise, if they wish to, but never they must. Then they will let me receive them and heal their self-made diseases. That’s the kind of god I will be. Not the unknowable elusive kind.

zodiac 26-Oct-04/12:38 AM
In all seriousness, can you see the differences between the following:

a) "discover all that I’ve made quite pleasing and right";

b) my simplified example, "discover a dog friendly"; and

c) the structure in your comment, "discover what god has made and find it pleasing"?

In the first two, "discover" is performing the action which results in "pleasing and right"; in the last "find" is. I see now you meant to use "discover" as a synonym for "find", which of course it is, but not in the sense that you can "find grammar difficult", you see? Why not correct it by simply saying something like

"My creatures will find all the things that I've made
quite pleasing and right etc etc".

As far as "not a technical writing on science and religion" goes, what do you mean? And why shouldn't a poem hold together somewhat logically, grammatically, philosophically and so on and so on and so on. I don't know if you read poetry, or what kind of poetry you read, but I dare you to find me a famous poem that's not pretty consistent in these respects. At least, I can't think of any at the moment. Hey, thanks for listening.




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