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Same (Free verse) by <~>

Listen to the voices: The sea mumbles, complaining of the coast In that ancient aquatic tongue only oceans understand; Feathered whispers tossed into the air Roll off tongues of surging glass Weathered a green that never was naive; Gulls circle, squabble, float alone together Integral, apart, balanced like a Calder above this shore Bask in the colorings of a palette beyond pigment: Painted rays stain my worn frame, Work me into belonging, with sea and surf Despite my city clothes Like pioneers in pieces at the British Museum, Brave New World of Lux et Veritas, circa 1800; Here plum shadows pool under pines, Cool quiet night wells up softly spilling Over sand, darkening its reach across the strand; Water, Air join in that clasp As grasses, needles shush the cold in Evening sweeps out into the seas, the skies Aspire, irrationals: Conspire to soothe my spirit As the sea soaks the sorrow out; Trapped in flesh Amidst these currents Salt drying on my cheeks I breathe

god'swife 26-Aug-02/12:09 AM
ugh! this is fun but so difficult in this format. O.K. S3 last line: out INTO the sky sounds better. And evening sweeps seperates the image from shushes in, so try; Evening sweeps out into the skies. S3 line4: Darkening it's reach really throughs me for a loop. I have no suggestions though. S4 line 3: Change amidst to amid. line 4: Salt drying on my cheeks. Infact the line in this stanza with the strongest impact for the last line is I breathe. So try: All conspire to soothe my spirit- Trapped in flesh- Amid these currents- Salt drying on my cheeks- I breathe. I'm sorry I have to go this is so much of what I love! Will do it again soon but I promised my son a massage and I have work in the wee morn. So it's au revoir.




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