god'swife26 Aug 2002

ugh! this is fun but so difficult in this format. O.K. S3 last line: out INTO the sky sounds better. And evening sweeps seperates the image from shushes in, so try; Evening sweeps out into the skies. S3 line4: Darkening it's reach really throughs me for a loop. I have no suggestions though. S4 line 3: Change amidst to amid. line 4: Salt drying on my cheeks. Infact the line in this stanza with the strongest impact for the last line is I breathe. So try: All conspire to soothe my spirit- Trapped in flesh- Amid these currents- Salt drying on my cheeks- I breathe. I'm sorry I have to go this is so much of what I love! Will do it again soon but I promised my son a massage and I have work in the wee morn. So it's au revoir.